THIS WILL NOT SAVE YOU

Some garments promise comfort.

Some promise style.

This one promises nothing—least of all salvation.

Pulled from the screaming margins of forbidden podcasts and printed in ink best described as regret, this shirt bears the unmistakable visage of a man who has already seen the ending. Behind him: writhing tentacles, a blood-red sky, and a Hollywood horizon quietly burning while everyone pretends that’s normal.

The front keeps it subtle—an occult seal, a knowing stare—because true horror doesn’t shout. It whispers. It waits. It lets you finish the episode.

The back tells the truth in bold, unavoidable letters:

THIS WILL

NOT SAVE YOU

An actual-play podcast about the horrors we live with…

and the ones we pretend are fiction.

Wear it to signal to fellow listeners that you understand the rules:

• There is no safety.

• There are no good choices.

• Rolling well only delays the inevitable.

Perfect for late-night recordings, dimly lit conventions, or standing silently in the background of a group photo like an omen no one acknowledges until it’s too late.

Put it on.

Feel comfortable.

Feel doomed.